Stop “Wallowing”

  Ok, here we go. It has happened. Probably my greatest concern since starting this blog. I had a feeling this was coming. The greatest obstacle in my mind has finally emerged. I found a comment yesterday from a family member to “stop wallowing”. And followed up with “I love you”. If you knew me, […]

Why so dark?

  I was talking to Mary (my wife) the other day about this blog. When I started it was intended to just be a place for me to start putting down my thoughts and experiences that have been stored away and dragging me down. A place to put the toxic feelings of anger,depression, regret, fear and guilt. […]

Tell your heart to beat again

    I recently heard this song while driving and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Music tends to do that to me. It reaches places that I prefer to lock away. From the first words I was hooked. As it began, it pained me. Then it encouraged me. And finally it filled me […]

Sleep is not an escape

I’m not the most normal guy you’ll meet. Just ask my wife. My son who has Autism gladly blames me for giving it to him. It is a running joke. They claim I am “inappropriate” at times because I occasionally don’t have a filter when it comes to polite conversation. I have no idea what […]

What is forgiveness?

Forgive our Fathers   My dad died on March 28, 2005. Followed shortly thereafter by his Father in September and his Mother In November. It was a difficult year. I guess, for me, it was a transformative year. It was like the band-aid that I had worn for most of my life was torn off. […]

Learning to deceive

  Perhaps the thing I resent and hate the most from my childhood years was constantly being put in the position of deceiving as a means of protecting others from pain. I was a very bright child, in fact until fourth grade, the model child. Courteous, helpful, great grades, and teachers pet. Things at home started […]