I’ve been contemplating the last year or so where my emotions seem to be threatening to spill out without the normal control I’ve fought so hard to retain over my lifetime. I find myself getting emotional over the smallest things. For the most part this only results in my eyes filling with tears and one or two of the damn escape artists making their way down my cheeks. I used to be able to mask my feelings much better and was so much more capable of burying with a quick joke or some other diversion. Last night, while watching the documentary of Joey and Rory, which followed the couple while Joey suffered with cervical cancer was heartbreaking. I sat next to Mary and tortured myself by trying to avoid the release of emotion. Don’t get me wrong, the movie was terribly sad, yet uplifting. A “normal” person would shed a tear and move on. For me, however, it was like torture. I felt as if I allowed a few tears to fall, the dam would burst and all control would be lost. I remember the story about the young boy with his finger in the hole in the wall holding back the torrent. I’ve had a complete army plugging that hole and it feels as if the entire company has been wiped out and a single soldier remains.The water pressure is increasing and the will soon overtake the defenses.
I’m writing this here because of something I read this morning. It pertains to my post regarding dreams (or nightmares). I suppose I already knew this, but reading it makes it more believable.
“Suppressed emotions can also leak out in the form of dreams or nightmares. If you are trying to hide an emotion in your life then it will get expressed in your dreams. If you continue to hide the emotion because of not being able to express in it any way, then you might even get recurring dreams about the emotion.
Suppressing negative emotions can cause depression, low self-esteem and in some extreme cases physical illnesses! Research has shown that a large number of illnesses have psychological reasons that are directly or indirectly related to stress.”
Well, duh. As clear as that seems to normal people, deniers usually take this info and shove it into the same box where every other truth goes.
Reading this, it ties directly into an earlier post I made this year regarding dreams. Other than the ever increasing single tears that threaten to break down the dam. So the dreams will continue to be the release valve. Here is the link to my previous blog on this topic.
Sleep is not an escape